Choosing Gratitude, Even When It’s Hard

By Suzanne Hamil, LMSW/RSW

With Thanksgiving around the corner, we’re surrounded by reminders to “be thankful.” It’s written on mugs, stitched on pillows, and said around dinner tables. But let’s be honest – sometimes that’s easier said than done. Gratitude feels effortless when life is smooth, when the people we love are near, when our plans are unfolding just right.

But what about the years when the seat at the table is empty? When things didn’t turn out the way we hoped? When our hearts feel more tired than thankful?

That’s when gratitude stops being a holiday and starts becoming a choice.

A few years ago, someone I love went through an incredibly painful season – a loss that changed everything. I asked them how they were holding up, and they said, quietly, “I’m grateful for the time I had.”

That wasn’t denial. That was courage. Gratitude didn’t erase their pain – it gave it shape, and meaning.

Real gratitude isn’t about ignoring what’s hard. It’s about noticing what still is. It’s saying, “Even though it hurts, there’s still something here worth holding onto.”

That’s what Thanksgiving was originally meant to remind us of – not perfection, not abundance, but awareness. The ability to pause and say, even now…there is good.

When we choose gratitude in hard times, something inside us shifts. We start to see strength where we once saw struggle. We find warmth in the smallest things – a kind word, a quiet morning, a meal shared with someone who truly sees us.

Science tells us that gratitude changes the brain, that it rewires us for resilience. But even without science, we feel it. Gratitude grounds us. It reminds us that pain is part of life – but so is joy.

We can hold both.

So this Thanksgiving, when you sit down at the table – whatever that table looks like this year – try this: before the meal, take one deep breath. Think of one thing, however small, that you can be thankful for.

Maybe it’s a person. Maybe it’s the strength that carried you through this year. Maybe it’s simply the fact that you made it here, to this moment.

Gratitude, especially when it’s hard, is not about pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about choosing to see what’s still beautiful, what’s still true, what’s still yours.

Thanksgiving is just one day – gratitude? Gratitude can be a way of life.